The Five Languages Of Love
Table of Contents
Book Club - This article is part of a series.
What happens to love after marriage?
I’m only 21 and have yet to experience marriage, but my curiosity led me to explore the topic. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman received excellent reviews on Amazon, prompting me to purchase it. With around a 50% chance of eventually getting married in my country, Italy, investing time in understanding relationships, which play a crucial role in life, seems like a sensible decision.
The Five Languages #
In his book, Chapman outlines five primary methods of expressing love:
Individuals develop a primary love language (and often a secondary one) based on their early experiences of love. To ensure your partner feels the depth of your affection, it’s crucial to communicate love in their primary language.
Words of Affirmation #
This love language involves expressing affection and love through verbal communication. People with this love language value words of encouragement, appreciation, compliments, and verbal expressions of love and support. For individuals whose primary love language is words of affirmation, hearing positive and affirming words is a powerful way to feel loved and appreciated in a relationship.
Acts of Service #
This love language is centered around expressing affection and love through actions and helpful gestures. People with acts of service as their primary love language appreciate when their partner performs thoughtful and meaningful acts to make their lives easier or more enjoyable. These acts could include things like cooking a meal, doing household chores, running errands, or providing assistance in practical ways.
Reciving Gifts #
This love language involves expressing and receiving love through the giving and receiving of tangible gifts. Individuals with receiving gifts as their primary love language appreciate the thought, effort, and meaning behind a gift. The gifts don’t necessarily need to be extravagant; what matters most is the sentiment and the emotional connection associated with the gift.
Quality Time #
This love language involves being present in the moment, actively listening, and participating in shared experiences. This could include activities such as having deep conversations, going for a walk together, enjoying a meal, or participating in a shared hobby. The emphasis is on the quality of the time spent together rather than the quantity. People with this love language feel most loved and connected when they have their partner’s full attention and engage in activities that strengthen their bond.
Physical Touch #
This love language involves expressing and receiving love through physical contact and touch. Individuals whose primary love language is physical touch feel most connected and valued when they experience physical closeness and affection from their partner. For those with physical touch as their dominant love language, these expressions of physical affection are powerful ways to feel loved, secure, and emotionally connected in a relationship. It’s important to note that the significance lies not just in the physical contact itself but in the emotional connection and intimacy conveyed through touch.
How to find your primary love language #
Determining your love language isn’t a simple task. While some individuals naturally recognize theirs, others may find it challenging to identify. Nevertheless, there are several strategies to help pinpoint it:
- Reflect on how you typically express love; this might indicate your primary love language. For instance, if you often compliment others, your love language might be words of affirmation.
- Pay attention to recurring complaints or requests. If you frequently ask your partner to spend quality time together, your love language could be quality time.
- Consider what you would miss the most. If unsure about preferring physical touch over receiving gifts, think about which absence would affect you more.
To uncover your partner’s love language, you can employ these methods or simply ask them directly.
Final Toughts #
I found this book to be enjoyable overall. The advice is presented in a straightforward manner, and the author demonstrates a deep understanding of the subject matter. However, I was not particularly fond of the emphasis on married straight couples, especially considering that the concepts discussed can apply to any type of relationship. The author does acknowledge this diversity in the concluding sections of the book. Nevertheless, the key takeaway is that love is a daily choice, a commitment that extends beyond the initial intense feelings commonly portrayed in movies. While the initial burning sensation fades over time, it doesn’t negate the existence of love or the significance of long-term relationships. Instead, the key to relationship happiness lies in consistently meeting your partner’s needs.